Yes, the unthinkable has occurred, I am a father. I’m close to 6 weeks into this new fatherhood thing and I’ll tell you, it’s not for the feint of heart. Not that it’s bad mind you, but it is a lot of work caring for someone who can do almost absolutely nothing for himself. But before I explore my experience of fatherhood here to fore, let me share Erika’s and my experience getting to this place starting Friday May 16, Erika’s last scheduled say at work before her maternity leave.
Bump, the name given to Orion by Erika’s mom before he was born because we wouldn’t reveal his name to anyone, was due Tuesday, May 20th, the day arbitrarily assigned by the Dr. based on the size of the baby in utero and the conception date estimation at the time of the early exams. This of course is not a schedule, and we were prepared for the baby to be late given this was Erika’s first. Friday after we left work (we work together) we got some dinner and went to see Prince Caspian. We figured it was the last movie we’d be able to see in the theater for a while. We were right. The next day, Saturday, Erika began having erratic contractions during our yard sale, and into the afternoon. I was scheduled to go see Phil Keaggy in concert in Joppa MD, and Erika’s parents and some friends of the family were coming over to play games at our place. I was planning on putting my concert plans on hold, but her contractions stopped, and she said I should go. So I went, but called every hour or so to see how she was doing. I got back around midnight and found her parents in our living room with her timing her contractions, which were about 10 to 15 minutes apart. We decided to try to sleep (as if she could sleep through contractions), and her parents stayed on our sleeper sofa. When the contractions got to about 5 minutes apart at around 6 in the morning we decided to call Erika’s doula and head to the hospital. We got there around 7, were escorted to our room, and began dealing in earnest with Erika’s contractions.
The hospital was amazing. I’m inserting heaps of praise here for the nurses and doctors at Calvert Memorial Hospital (although I could never figure out what the hospital was in memorial of, unless it was Lord Baltimore himself, but I digress). Heaps of praise should also be piled upon Cheryl, Erika’s doula who was an amazing coach for Erika. Erika wanted to try to have the baby all natural, no drugs or epidurals. She also wanted to be ambulatory while in labor, which means being free for long periods of time from the tethers of the fetal baby monitor. Because they baby was doing well, they allowed that freedom, tethering her only for brief stints every couple of hours. After a roller coaster ride of ups and downs in the delivery room the baby was birthed into the world at 4:43 PM on May 18th. Cheryl later commented that the time of birth made it seem like a normal day at the office. Erika’s mom and dad were in the room, and her mom actually cut the cord, because I couldn’t bring myself to do it. My Dad and his girlfriend, and my Mom and Step Dad were also in the hospital and we all celebrated by getting Italian food and eating it in the delivery room afterward, which in retrospect seems kind of creepy and weird, but it didn’t at the time, and neither Erika nor I had eaten all day and were famished. We settled down that night and had the best night of sleep that I suspect we’ll experience for the next couple of years.
That brings us to today, almost weeks into young Orion’s life, and close to 6 weeks into our endeavor into parenthood. It has been different from what I thought it would be. I was expecting something as trying as the Mali trip, but long term. I was expecting to have to confront my selfishness, impatience, and inflexibility, and I have had to confront them from time to time, but I’ve been surprised that my sense of dread was unjustified. After the initial shock of being responsible for this utterly defenseless child who can’t even control his own limbs wore off, I found myself enjoying him, and enjoying the role of watching him so Erika can get a extra 20 minutes of sleep, or reading to him, though he can’t understand or see the pictures, or providing him with a pacifier to disperse all of that sucking energy, or even changing diapers (though enjoy probably isn’t the right word for that). I could probably think of some great theological insights in all of this, but I think I’ll just leave the theological insight at that, the joy of fatherhood.
There’s a great line in the movie “Return to Me”, probably one of the sappiest chick flick movies ever created, but as unlikely as the story is, it is a movie grounded in a nice reality (largely influenced I think by the Catholicism of Bonnie Hunt, its writer/director, but I digress). The grandfather of our ingénue in the story is cleaning up at the restaurant he owns when the granddaughter offers to help. He refuses her help and tells her, “I’ve been blessed with work”. I kind of feel that way. Orion adds a lot of work into our lives, especially Erika’s at this point, but it’s a work I don’t seem to mind as much. To quote Erika, it is “pain with a purpose”. And so far, and I imagine it will be this way down the road, it’s been very much worth it.
Bump, the name given to Orion by Erika’s mom before he was born because we wouldn’t reveal his name to anyone, was due Tuesday, May 20th, the day arbitrarily assigned by the Dr. based on the size of the baby in utero and the conception date estimation at the time of the early exams. This of course is not a schedule, and we were prepared for the baby to be late given this was Erika’s first. Friday after we left work (we work together) we got some dinner and went to see Prince Caspian. We figured it was the last movie we’d be able to see in the theater for a while. We were right. The next day, Saturday, Erika began having erratic contractions during our yard sale, and into the afternoon. I was scheduled to go see Phil Keaggy in concert in Joppa MD, and Erika’s parents and some friends of the family were coming over to play games at our place. I was planning on putting my concert plans on hold, but her contractions stopped, and she said I should go. So I went, but called every hour or so to see how she was doing. I got back around midnight and found her parents in our living room with her timing her contractions, which were about 10 to 15 minutes apart. We decided to try to sleep (as if she could sleep through contractions), and her parents stayed on our sleeper sofa. When the contractions got to about 5 minutes apart at around 6 in the morning we decided to call Erika’s doula and head to the hospital. We got there around 7, were escorted to our room, and began dealing in earnest with Erika’s contractions.
The hospital was amazing. I’m inserting heaps of praise here for the nurses and doctors at Calvert Memorial Hospital (although I could never figure out what the hospital was in memorial of, unless it was Lord Baltimore himself, but I digress). Heaps of praise should also be piled upon Cheryl, Erika’s doula who was an amazing coach for Erika. Erika wanted to try to have the baby all natural, no drugs or epidurals. She also wanted to be ambulatory while in labor, which means being free for long periods of time from the tethers of the fetal baby monitor. Because they baby was doing well, they allowed that freedom, tethering her only for brief stints every couple of hours. After a roller coaster ride of ups and downs in the delivery room the baby was birthed into the world at 4:43 PM on May 18th. Cheryl later commented that the time of birth made it seem like a normal day at the office. Erika’s mom and dad were in the room, and her mom actually cut the cord, because I couldn’t bring myself to do it. My Dad and his girlfriend, and my Mom and Step Dad were also in the hospital and we all celebrated by getting Italian food and eating it in the delivery room afterward, which in retrospect seems kind of creepy and weird, but it didn’t at the time, and neither Erika nor I had eaten all day and were famished. We settled down that night and had the best night of sleep that I suspect we’ll experience for the next couple of years.
That brings us to today, almost weeks into young Orion’s life, and close to 6 weeks into our endeavor into parenthood. It has been different from what I thought it would be. I was expecting something as trying as the Mali trip, but long term. I was expecting to have to confront my selfishness, impatience, and inflexibility, and I have had to confront them from time to time, but I’ve been surprised that my sense of dread was unjustified. After the initial shock of being responsible for this utterly defenseless child who can’t even control his own limbs wore off, I found myself enjoying him, and enjoying the role of watching him so Erika can get a extra 20 minutes of sleep, or reading to him, though he can’t understand or see the pictures, or providing him with a pacifier to disperse all of that sucking energy, or even changing diapers (though enjoy probably isn’t the right word for that). I could probably think of some great theological insights in all of this, but I think I’ll just leave the theological insight at that, the joy of fatherhood.
There’s a great line in the movie “Return to Me”, probably one of the sappiest chick flick movies ever created, but as unlikely as the story is, it is a movie grounded in a nice reality (largely influenced I think by the Catholicism of Bonnie Hunt, its writer/director, but I digress). The grandfather of our ingénue in the story is cleaning up at the restaurant he owns when the granddaughter offers to help. He refuses her help and tells her, “I’ve been blessed with work”. I kind of feel that way. Orion adds a lot of work into our lives, especially Erika’s at this point, but it’s a work I don’t seem to mind as much. To quote Erika, it is “pain with a purpose”. And so far, and I imagine it will be this way down the road, it’s been very much worth it.
